My husband (32m) seems completely indifferent to my cancer diagnosis and I (28f) don’t know how to handle it
I (28F) was recently diagnosed with cervical cancer… and I’ve never felt more alone in my life.
From the very beginning, I’ve been doing everything by myself—appointments, scans, biopsies. Sitting in waiting rooms surrounded by strangers while trying not to fall apart.
I kept hoping my husband would step in. That he’d see how scared I was.
But every time I tried to talk to him, really talk, he’d shut me down with short, empty replies like “yeah,” “cool,” or just nod and change the subject. Like what I was going through didn’t even register.
A few days before I was supposed to get my imaging results, he had a DJ gig at a bar. I told him I was terrified. That I needed him to stay with me that night.
He said he couldn’t cancel.
“He made a commitment.”
We argued, but in the end, I went with him… because the thought of getting life-changing news completely alone was worse.
While we were there, one of his friend’s wives pulled me aside and told me she was pregnant. I smiled. I congratulated her. I tried to be supportive.
But inside, I was breaking.
Because I already knew… I might never have another child.
And then my results came in.
A 2 cm tumor on my cervix.
I didn’t even tell anyone right away. I just went upstairs and cried by myself in a stranger’s house.
When I finally tried to talk to my husband, he brushed me off again.
He was busy.
He had made a commitment.
Yesterday, I had a LEEP procedure and another biopsy. I was put under general anesthesia.
When I woke up, disoriented and in pain, the first thing he told me was that his tooth hurt.
Instead of being comforted… I found myself helping him.
In the recovery room, I was trying to find him a dentist, looking up clinics, figuring out his options—while I was still barely conscious.
He complained about how long everything was taking.
My procedure lasted 30 minutes. Post-op was about an hour.
Apparently, that was too much.
When it was time for discharge, the nurse tried to explain my aftercare instructions to him because I was still groggy.
He was scrolling through Instagram.
Not listening.
I had to call his name more than once just to get him to look up and sign the paperwork.
After we left, I asked if we could go to Olive Garden.
It sounds small, I know. But it’s something my mom used to do for me after hard days. It felt comforting. Familiar.
He agreed, but barely spoke the entire time.
Every time I tried to start a conversation, he answered with one word.
Eventually, I just gave up and sat there in silence, trying not to cry in public.
When we got home, he sat on the couch watching YouTube.
I let the dogs out. I handled everything. I tried to follow my post-op care instructions while my body felt like it was shutting down.
I had asked him weeks earlier to wash some reusable pads I’d need after surgery.
He said he would.
He didn’t.
I had to dig through laundry baskets, searching for them myself. It sounds simple, but I was exhausted, in pain, and barely able to stand.
Eventually, I found out they were still sitting in the dryer… untouched.
Earlier that same morning, before my surgery, I had gone to the dentist for an infection that was draining into my sinus.
Later, he went to the pharmacy.
He picked up medication—for himself.
Not mine.
Not the prescriptions my dentist and oncologist had written for me.
When I finally asked him what was going on—why he was acting like this—he got upset.
Not about my health.
About a car.
A $3,000 beater I bought months ago that needs a new radiator.
I’ve been trying not to drive it so I don’t ruin it further while I save money.
Meanwhile, he drives the Jeep my mom bought for me and my son… every day.
I walk to work.
And somehow, he’s angry at me that the other car isn’t running.
I broke down.
I told him I wasn’t doing this today.
Not after surgery. Not while I’m in pain. Not while I’m trying to process the fact that I have cancer.
I feel like I’m facing one of the scariest moments of my life completely alone.
Like I don’t have a partner.
Like I’m just… an inconvenience.
A burden.
I don’t even know where to start anymore.
How do you talk to someone who won’t listen?
How do you fix something when the other person doesn’t even seem to care?
Or worse…
When they’ve already checked out?
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