AITA for telling my daughter I’m disgusted by her actions and informing her ex about what she’s been doing with their son?

 

So, my daughter (26) and her ex, Ryan (26), have been through a lot together. They got pregnant when they were both 18, moved in together, and started raising their child. They never married, even though Ryan’s family constantly pressured them to, calling it “living in sin.”

Things took a turn about a year ago when Ryan was caught cheating and it came out that he is gay. The breakup was messy, and in the end, they settled on a 50/50 custody arrangement. Ryan’s family, who are very religious, disowned him when they found out he’s gay. To be honest, I’m not surprised by their reaction; I’ve heard them say horrible things before. I was even there when Ryan’s mother called him a “faggot” during the breakup. They’re really toxic.

After Ryan was disowned, his family thought they’d still get access to their grandson, but Ryan made it clear that was never going to happen. They reached out to me once, asking to see the kid when I was babysitting, but I said no.

Now, fast forward to a few months ago. The 50/50 custody has been tough on my daughter. It’s hard for her not to have her son during important events. For instance, Ryan had custody of their son during Easter, but he let my daughter have him for that day so they could celebrate with my side of the family.

One day, while my daughter was at my place picking up some things, she showed me pictures from a recent weekend trip. I noticed that Ryan’s mom and siblings were in the pictures, and I was shocked. I asked her about it, and she casually told me she’s been taking their son to visit them for months, without telling Ryan.

I was furious and asked if Ryan knew, thinking they might’ve reconnected. She said no, and that’s when I lost it. I told her it was wrong to take their child around people who had disowned Ryan and called him awful names. She got defensive, and we argued. She actually defended the idea of taking her son to see his homophobic family. I told her I was disgusted by what she was doing.

So, I told Ryan about it, and he was thankful for the heads-up. Now, my daughter is furious with me, and Ryan is refusing to let her be lenient on custody anymore. He’s making it clear that he won’t be as flexible about her having their son for events if it’s not her custody day.

Now, my daughter is super upset with me. Did I overstep here? Am I the asshole for telling Ryan and confronting her?