AITA for Refusing to Attend My Ex Best Friend’s Funeral After She Ruined My Marriage?

I’m 31F, and this situation has divided my entire family and friend group.

About six years ago, I married my husband after dating for almost four years. Back then, I genuinely believed I had the perfect life. We had a small house, stable jobs, and a close group of friends I trusted completely.

Especially my best friend.

We met in college and stayed inseparable for over a decade. She was there for everything — my graduation, my engagement, even helping me choose my wedding dress. I trusted her more than almost anyone.

That’s probably why I ignored the warning signs for so long.

She and my husband always got along “too well,” but everyone said I was lucky they liked each other because it made group trips and holidays easier. Sometimes they’d joke around for hours while I sat quietly listening. Looking back, I feel stupid for not seeing what was happening right in front of me.

About three years into my marriage, my husband started acting distant.

He became weirdly protective of his phone.
Started going out more.
Picked fights over tiny things.

At first I blamed stress.

Then one night, I woke up around 2 AM and realized he wasn’t in bed. I found him downstairs whispering on the phone. The second he saw me, he hung up immediately.

I asked who he was talking to.

He said:
“Work stuff.”

At 2 AM.

I knew something was wrong, but I never imagined the truth would be THIS bad.

A month later, my best friend accidentally left her smartwatch at my house after a girls’ night. It kept buzzing nonstop while she was in the shower upstairs.

I wasn’t trying to snoop.

But then a message preview popped up from my husband saying:
“I wish I was in your bed tonight.”

I literally stopped breathing.

My hands started shaking so badly I almost dropped the watch.

There were hundreds of messages.

Photos.
Videos.
“I love you.”
Plans for hotel weekends.
Complaints about ME.

Apparently they’d been sleeping together for nearly a year.

The worst part wasn’t even the cheating.

It was reading messages where she mocked me privately while pretending to comfort me whenever I cried about my marriage problems.

I confronted both of them immediately.

Neither denied it.

My husband admitted he “fell out of love” with me months earlier but didn’t know how to leave.

My best friend cried and said:
“We never meant to hurt you.”

That sentence honestly changed me as a person.

Because how do two people betray someone for a YEAR and still act like victims of circumstance?

I divorced him.

She got cut off completely.

The fallout destroyed my life for a while. Mutual friends picked sides. My mental health collapsed. I developed trust issues so bad I needed therapy just to function normally again.

And then — somehow — THEY started dating publicly almost immediately after my divorce finalized.

People acted like I should “move on.”

Like betrayal has an expiration date.

Fast forward to now.

Two months ago, I found out my ex best friend had cancer.

Apparently it was aggressive and progressed quickly. I honestly didn’t know how to react when people told me. Part of me felt sad because despite everything, she was once someone I loved deeply.

But another part of me still carried so much anger.

Last week, she passed away.

Now everyone expects me to attend the funeral.

Her family personally invited me because apparently before she died, she told people she regretted what happened between us and hoped I’d forgive her someday.

But I don’t forgive her.

Maybe that sounds cruel, but the damage she caused permanently changed my life. I still struggle trusting people years later. I still haven’t dated seriously since my divorce.

I politely declined attending the funeral.

That should’ve been the end of it.

Instead, mutual friends started attacking me online saying I’m cold-hearted and bitter. One person even told me:
“She’s dead now. What more punishment do you want?”

Even my mom thinks I should go “out of respect for the friendship we once had.”

But honestly?
Funerals are for grieving people you loved.

And I don’t know if the version of her I loved was ever real.

Now I’m wondering if refusing to attend makes me heartless.

So… AITA for refusing to go to my ex best friend’s funeral after she destroyed my marriage?