AITA for exposing my husband's affair after I found out he was still in contact with his ex?

 

I (31F) have been married to Greg (34M) for five years. We met in college, fell in love quickly, and got married two years later. Our relationship was great—at least, I thought it was. We shared a home, built a life together, and even had a baby girl, Lucy, two years ago. We had our fair share of ups and downs, but I always thought that our love was strong enough to overcome anything.

About six months ago, I began to feel like something was off. Greg started spending more time at work, often coming home late and making excuses for why he was so tired. I didn’t think much of it at first, but then I noticed something strange: his phone was always on silent, and he would leave the room to take calls. He never used to do that before, and I began to feel suspicious. One day, I found a receipt in his pocket for a fancy restaurant—a place we had never been before—and it was from two weeks ago.

I confronted him about the receipt, and he explained it away by saying it was a work dinner with a client. But something didn’t sit right with me, and I started digging deeper. I found an old email thread on his laptop between him and his ex-girlfriend, Lily (32F). They had been emailing each other regularly, exchanging friendly messages that seemed way too personal for just old friends. I even found a text message where Greg mentioned meeting up with her for “coffee” and how much he “missed seeing her.”

I was crushed. Greg had always told me that he was over his ex, but it was clear that he was still emotionally invested in her. I felt betrayed and devastated. I confronted Greg about everything I had found, and he admitted that he had been in contact with Lily behind my back, but he insisted that nothing physical had happened. He claimed they were just “reconnecting,” but I didn’t believe him.

I couldn’t just let it go. I confronted Lily and told her that I knew about their secret communication. She seemed shocked but didn’t deny it. She apologized, saying she never meant for it to go this far, but Greg was still a part of her life, and she had been holding onto feelings for him. She claimed she was "just trying to be friends."

I couldn’t handle the betrayal. I immediately told Greg that I was done and that I wanted a divorce. He begged me to reconsider and promised to cut all ties with Lily, but I knew that the trust had been shattered beyond repair.

Now, Greg is furious with me for exposing his secret to Lily and for taking drastic steps without giving him a chance to fix things. My friends and family are divided. Some say I did the right thing by standing up for myself, but others say I should have worked through the issue privately without involving Lily.

So, AITA for exposing my husband’s affair after I found out he was still in contact with his ex?