AITA for confronting my husband about the secret debt he racked up without telling me?

I (30F) have been married to Jeff (33M) for six years. We’ve built a good life together—nice home, steady jobs, and we’ve been able to travel and enjoy our free time. But, over the past few months, I started noticing that Jeff was acting a bit strangely. He seemed more stressed than usual, and when we talked about our finances, he kept brushing me off, saying things like, “Don’t worry about it,” or “We’ll figure it out.”

One night, I was going through some old paperwork and found an envelope from a credit card company. Inside, it was a bill for an amount I didn’t recognize—a staggering $20,000. I was stunned. I asked Jeff about it, and he was caught off guard. At first, he denied it, saying it was an error. But when I pressed him, he finally admitted that he had taken out a credit card in his name without telling me and had maxed it out on things he thought we “deserved”—luxury clothes, tech gadgets, expensive dinners. The worst part was that this wasn’t the only debt. He had also been taking out personal loans and using payday services to cover it all.

I was devastated. Jeff had always been responsible with money, and I thought we had a shared understanding about our finances. When we first got married, we agreed to be transparent about everything, but here he was, hiding tens of thousands of dollars in debt from me.

I confronted him about the situation, and he apologized profusely. He claimed he never meant for it to get out of control and that he was embarrassed by his actions. He promised he would fix it, but I felt betrayed. He had kept this secret for over a year, and I was the last person to know. He said he was too proud to admit his mistake and didn’t want to burden me with his financial struggles.

I don’t know if I can forgive him for this. We’ve been working on a plan to pay off the debt, but I feel like he broke my trust in a way that’s hard to repair. I’m still angry, and I feel like I don’t know him anymore. Our relationship is on shaky ground now.

So, AITA for confronting my husband about the secret debt he racked up without telling me?